Back To Basics

Love is....

wanting to be close to someone, both emotionally n physically..

when u feel something more than friendship but cant describe it...

wanting to look ur very best when u noe u will be seeing him/her

wanting nothing more than to see the person smile.

being willing to sick ard n wrk things out when difficulties arised..

rushing home to call or be called by him/her..

thinking that everything he/she does is incredible...

Whats ur defination of love?

Being the "auntie annie" of which ever grps i mixed with, i always thought i knew best abt relationships inside out and whatever problems that arises, its "chicken feet" to me. Hur Hur.. Ms Jo is wrong.. So wrong~
I guess all along its the "other" me thats ruining things. bit by bit ..
YES,to all those who knows me well... I'm an insecure girl.. always in search of a life buoy.. in search of company.. in search of excuses to make myself believe that there's nth wrong.. n YES, to those who thinks this is stupid.. I've never wanted sucha life.. bringing uneccesary torment to myself n most imptly to my love ones.. i wished i nv had to go thru a life like mine.. i wished i cud turn back time n be jus a plain n normal innocent gerl who nv had to go thru betrayal n lies..

I'm not askin fer any sympathy or lukin fer any excuses.. i jus hate myself fer having such behavior.. Often, when i'm dwn.. when the horrible monster in me starts haunting me.. i look myself into the mirror.. n what reflects back are twisted images of my life .. n as i watch on... they turn into fear.. the fear of history repeatin itself.. the fear of losing...
Since long ago.. i've forgotten the meaning of the wrd called " faith "... I've always trusted "u".. but i've nv trusted myself....

I jus cant afford to fall dwn or lose this game again... temptations are everywhere.. n i always believe that being only human ... would succumb to it eventually...

I'm sorry if i haf brought u heartaches n tears... u did nth wrong ... nth at all.... n i noe ... simply usin the excuses of " because i love u too much" isnt valid ... but somehow... i want u to noe... i've been fighting this "me" fer a very long time... there were many occasions that i teared n i dare nt let u noe.. There were many times where i am lost n sad n i jus kept it to myself... some times when i'm all alone.. i seriously doubt my own existance in this world... I've really tried .. tried hard to hide this "me" inside...


I'm sorry... I din mean it... It hurts jus as much...

maybe... ....

i need a doctor...

Nights Folks.