Back To Basics

I thought i was okay.. but it seems its coming again.. the sudden swings of mood.. its eating me up bit by bit.. i never knew fighting back those tears was so difficult.. Every night i jus cry myself to slp.. n in the day.. i jus put on that mask.. acting like as if nth has ever happen.. smiling to everyone.. trying to force my mind onto that never ending work.. hur... i'm just living in a facade.. i feel suffocated..

They envy the thought of having many guys ard u.. giving u undivided attention.. pampering u like a small princess... n they thot ur a lucky ger..

Hey i tell u.. nothing beats gettin all the attention by ur one n only one... Nothing beats that.. Nothing at all..

They say happiness is a choice... how many times do u have a choice? can i choose edison to be my future husband? ha.. or perhaps .. some farkin rich arse? i'll be damn happy.. hur.. if i were to reallie choose.. i rather to have nv loved before n not noe wad is love...

They asked me.. what do u reallie wan? my ans is .. i jus want to be happy... i jus wan to feel appreciated.. i jus wan to feel loved and be pampered like any other gerls.. i dun wan to act independent when i am not.. i dun wan to act as if i dun mind... when i reallie do.. i dun wan to try to fit in when i reallie don.. i dun wana be somebody im not jus to compromise someone else.. i dun wana pretend that im secure when im not..i dun wan to learn something else jus to have something in common with u when i dun like it at all jus to fit in .. i dun wan to hold back my tears jus bcos u DUN LIKE ME TO CRY.. n i had to act like im damn farkin Okay when i am not jus to please u.. i jus want to be JOANNA.. yet..

life's such an irony... When was the last time i thought fer myself? when was the last time i feel myself?


i think... i've lost myself..

long ago.....